


Doctor Lavellan’s Relationship Advice and Counseling- Welcome, we’re open!

by NeverlandHunter



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Counseling, Fluff and Humor, Love, Multi, Relationship Advice, Romance, relationships, sexual innuendo, the love doctor, you are not a real doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5058886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverlandHunter/pseuds/NeverlandHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Trespasser Lavellan decides to open up her own relationship advice and counseling office. Is she the best person to be giving this advice? Maybe not. Is she an actual doctor? Definitely no. But she will persist anyway with trying to keep relationships across Thedas going strong!</p><p>Prepare for a ridiculous scenario and my amazing (more ridiculous) sense of humor!<br/>I'll add more relationships as I get suggestions!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Lavellan’s Relationship Advice and Counseling- Welcome, we’re open!

**Doctor Lavellan’s Relationship Advice and Counseling- Welcome, we’re open!**

_Monday 8:00am appointment with The Iron Bull and Dorian of house Pavus_

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan posed professionally behind her desk, doodling away at a notepad in order to seem like she had something of importance to do while waiting for her first ever clients to show up. She tapped her right foot impatiently as their tardiness became apparent. 

8:07am-- late!

The Iron Bull walked into the room, his excessive size making the room appear smaller than it already was. “Sorry Boss, or Doc. Someone wouldn’t get up this morning.”

“It is a Monday morning and I am suffering from the ill effects of last night's drinking. The drinking, which I’ll have you know, was the only reason I agreed to come to this farce!” Dorian remarked as he entered the room behind Bull. Under the self appointed Dr. Lavellan’s murderous glare and Bull’s pointed nudge Dorian fell silent.

“Please, have a seat Mister…” the self appointed Dr. Lavellan consulted her notes. “Pavus and Mister Bull.”

“Maker’s breath Ithilia, you know who we are!” Dorian huffed as Bull took his seat.

“Perhaps I would be more inclined to remember certain details if my clients showed up on time _Mr. Pavus_.” The self appointed Dr. Lavellan stated curtly.

“She has gone insane,” Dorian said looking over at Bull. The self appointed Dr. Lavellan scowled.

“Now now Kadan, we’re here for our own relationship, not to judge the Doc’s quirks,” Bull stated pulling out Dorian’s chair for him. Dorian had the sneaking suspicion that Bull found this whole situation entirely too amusing and was playing along to get a reaction out of Dorian. Two could play at that game however. Dorian sat down.

“Thank you Mr. Bull--”

“Please Doc, just Bull.”

“Okay, Bull then. I want you two to feel comfortable here. We don’t judge in this room and any questions or mistakes you want to get off your chest you can feel free to do,” said the self appointed Dr. Lavellan pleasantly.

“I have a question about the mistake that are those robes. You seemed to have designed your outfit after what a Steel Age healer would where. I don’t doubt the South’s sense of fashion is behind times, but that is just excessive.”

“We don’t judge in this room Dorian!” exclaimed the self appointed Dr. Lavellan as her cheeks flushed pink. “And I didn’t have much to go off of… I had watched some Antivan operas with Josephine-- and this is completely off topic!”

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan straightened up in her seat and readjusted her papers. “Let me start with some questions. I know that Dorian is only here for a limited time--”

“And what a wonderful way I’m spending that time,” Dorian mumbled under his breath.

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan continued completely ignoring him. “And I was wondering how you two were doing with this relationship being long distance.”

Bull rested an arm on Dorian’s chair. “It’s tough not being able to enjoy each other’s company, but we can talk whenever we’re free because of the magic rock.”

“It’s a sending crystal, and I’ve told you this countless times before,” Dorian said rolling his eyes.

“Well it was wonderful that you two still talk to each other,” said the self appointed Dr. Lavellan. Her voice trailed off as she seemed lost in thought for a second. “Anyway, it seems that Dorian is doing all the traveling to you Bull. Have you thought about having it the other way around once in awhile?”

“Uh, I don’t think the Vints would appreciate me walking around their cities Doc.” Bull said as Dorian let out a long sigh.

“Oh yeah… so is there anything you two want to talk about or need advice and counseling on?”

“Explain to me again how someone with such a terrible love life and perhaps the most infamous relationship in this age is able to give credible love advice?” Dorian asked leaning closer to the self appointed Dr. Lavellan’s desk. 

“I have plenty of real life experience on how relationships can go horribly wrong, therefore I can steer couples out of deep water and onto safer shores!” The self appointed Dr. Lavellan answered like it was a well rehearsed reply.

“I feel as if arguing that logic would end with me having a worse headache than I already do, so I won’t.”

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan beamed at Dorian.

“But if I have to sit through anymore of this I might just have to start advising you on your relationship or whatever it is… among other things,” Dorian said while eyeing the self named Dr. Lavellan’s outfit again.

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan cursed at Dorian under her breath in elven. “Fine, but I have one last thing…”

“I am shaking in my seat with anticipation,” replied Dorian his voice dripping with sarcasm. Bull smoothly turned a chuckle into a cough and sat up straighter in his seat.

“Well.…” The self appointed Dr. Lavellan stared hesitantly back and forth between Dorian and Bull. “Maybe Bull should step outside for this?”

“Whatever you have to say you can say it to the both of us!” Dorian snapped.

“Okay, now I’m interested Doc,” Bull said.

“Well, let’s see. This isn’t my own opinion as you friend, obviously, but I have a professional obligation to bring it up,” the self appointed Dr. Lavellan began nervously.

Dorian made an impatient noise while Bull sat waiting patiently. 

“You see some people, who will remain anonymous, have informed me that they believe your relationship to be… unhealthy… well their words were abusive… but, um…” Lavellan swallowed waiting for their reaction.

“Vishante kaffas! Who in Thedas suggested that!?” Dorian yelled at the same time Bull let out a loud snort.

“Really Bull, this isn’t a laughing matter and Dorian, it would be very unprofessional of me to reveal the names of people who spoke to me in confidence.” Lavellan explained.

“Unprofessional! Have you--” Dorian cut himself and took in a few deep breaths. “Bull and I might have a somewhat unorthodox relationship but it is perfectly healthy and stable. I don’t know who would suggest such a thing to you, or why, but it is an entirely unfounded notion.”

“Hmm, well I think they were going off of what they heard when we used to adventure together,” Lavellan informed him. “And it wasn’t one anyone you know.”

Bull started. “Then who--”

“Who in their right minds would judge a relationship from a few snips of conversation they heard while we were wondering around?” Dorian asked looking annoyed. “Bull was teasing, he does that quite often.”

“You love it,” Bull grinned.

Dorian looked at Bull, smiling deviantly. Both were in a similar state of thought at that moment. “Come on Amatus, I think we can work out the rest of our problems in a bed.”

“We don’t even have to go that far,” Bull stated getting up to leave.

“Savage,” Dorian smiled warmly as he turned to walk out of the door. “Thank you Ithilia, this might not have been the utter waste of time I originally thought it was. We’ll see you later. I’d say drop by anytime, but you should probably give us some heads up.”

“Good appointment Doc, very informational,” Bull said in a way that made the self appointed Dr. Lavellan question what he found so informational.

The self appointed Dr. Lavellan looked down at her schedule as the two left the room and wondered idly if the next couple would be there on time.

**Author's Note:**

> X) That was amusing to write! I hope you guys enjoyed my first chapter of [really long title]! Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts on the chapter and suggestions for future clients! My next chapter will feature Cole and Maryden!


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